Ms Possum Goes To The Ball

Ms Possum had a very nice nocturnal experience recently – she went to the Ball.  It was a gathering of 249 like minded individuals and Ms Possum realised she would have to look her glorious and “furious” best.

To that end, she got her locks curled and put on her best possum fur stole. She was joined by a few of her friends and Ms Possum’s generosity extended to decking out these females in furry attire as well. So the self appointed “Fur Brigade” made their grand entrance into the sumptuously decorated Ballroom full of chandeliers, chaise longues and beautiful people.

However, Ms Possum noticed a disproportionate number of females to males in this exclusive setting – she calculated it might have been 66 to 33.3% recurring. Her friends concurred with this mathematically precise analysis. One of them remarked that Ms Possum could possibly be held responsible for decimating the male population with her sharp wit, talons and “furociousness”!!  Unjustly accused Ms Possum hissed.  Her theory is that the male population is depleted about the time of a Ball as this is the time when most males discover a genetic deformity linked to two left feet and they do not want to draw attention to this inherent disorder. They are sometimes found suspiciously lurking together in sheds flexing their arm muscles instead of those in their legs.

Others end up leaving these Antipodean shores.  As New York and London report the same problems, Ms Possum has concluded that some males do not make it having “lost“ their way due to an aversion to ask for directions en-route.  Perhaps they are still circumnavigating the globe as we speak which could have something to do with the increase in global warming and the skewing of the above figures.

Ms Possum wants to give all these recalcitrant males a short sharp talonic jab of Vupeculean strength to wake them up from this inexcusable avoidance of responsibility.

Needless to say, despite these severe male shortcomings, Ms Possum had fun sipping her fave drinks, dancing, mingling and enjoying the dimly lit atmosphere.

She just loves being a creature of the night…

Ms Possum Throws a Cat Party

No, it’s not a party throwing cats around!  That is sooo un PC and worthy of an SPCA callout!

It was a  recent party to celebrate the 2nd convening of the Cat Club Inc.  Yes, Ms Possum’s good friend Natalia,  then aged 6, formed the Cat Club about a year ago and is the self appointed President thereof.   This exclusive Club is only open to members who possess a bona fide possum fur “Possycat” made by Possum New Zealand and Natalia’s serious professionalism to this marketing cause resulted in each one of us  having to sign our names into a Formal Registration Book as a pre-requisite.  Thus far, Cat Club members are aged between 4 and 14 years old; apart from Ms Possum of course, age of whom is a State Secret!

We also have our own surreptitious “Hello Kitty Wave” which is a discreet lower horizontal arm movement  to greet  each other (quite superior to the Freemason handshake I might add).  However, Ms Possum may have O.D’d on Hello Kitty when she visited Asia frequently at one stage – it’s a cat that really got her claws stuck in Ms Possum at the time as this scary feline possessed the ability to replicate herself 1000 fold wherever Ms Possum went –  it was like a multiplicity horror movie!  To this day, she shudders at the mere thought of  running into Hello Kitty again!

However, Ms Possum felt very privileged to be the only grown up allowed in the inner sanctum of the Cat Club as even parents were persona non grata.  The first part of the events schedule was dedicated to business and a consideration of the minutes of the last meeting.  Then, by Natalia’s decree, Ms Possum was appointed Vice President.  Ms Possum felt very honored to be second-in-charge but the very mature,  now 7 year old, Natalia insisted that if anything happened to her so that she could not attend a subsequent meeting, that Ms Possum knew enough to be able to cover.  Ms Possum graciously accepted this onerous responsibility but  politely said any meeting would  definitely be  postponed until Natalia could attend.  All present clapped  in unanimous approval.  The next point of business was to introduce a guest of honour:  Jade , aged 8 years old, who was visiting Auckland – and while she did not have a Possycat, she did bring another toy cat which made her eligible to be a part of the festivities.  More spontaneous applause to welcome Jade.

So, with business over, we had a jam packed itinerary.  First of all, we donned “cat aprons” and our official possum fur “cat badges”.  As Natalia had proposed a Hawaiian dress code, the cat club members and cats were very brightly coloured for the “Catwalk” Fashion Show.  New York Fashion Week wasn’t a patch on this!  The audience was comprised of the proud parents who, not surprisingly, gave good reviews, so it’s just a matter of time for Vogue to realise this burgeoning talent.

Second on the agenda was the “Cat Mask Painting Competition” – yes folks the $2  (plus) Shop had these amazing Cat Head masks in reconstituted cardboard that just needed felt tip and highlighters added and the results were stupendous!!  There was complete silence when this activity was being carried out as all were in rapt concentration to win the “Best Mask” prize.  The audience voted with a show of hands the winners, but as there was suspected nepotism surrounding this process, prizes were handed out to all entrants to counteract any blatant vote rigging.

Then it was on to the “Cat IQ” test, with Ms Possum asking very simple to very hard questions about cats so that all could participate.  An example of an easy question for the younger members was: “What rhymes with cat?” and for the adults: “What ancient civilisation had cats for Gods?”  Anyway, we all learnt something and more prizes were awarded.  Email Ms Possum for the full set of questions if you dare to determine in which “cat”egory of intelligence you belong.

Dinner for all was next, but the  highlight was the  cutting of the Cat Cake for dessert.  Tracey, one of the Mums, made this yummy cat cake with sweets as whiskers and ice cream cones smothered with chocolate for the ears.  We think Natalia and Hunter cutting the cake may be a precursor of things to come in 20 years!  Watch this space.

And no cat party would be complete without tinned “cat food”!  Natalia googled some cat pics and stuck them to the sides of the recycled tins and placed chocolate treats inside. Delish!!

All in all, a fab evening and Ms Possum was at her “cattiest” best. Yes, she does convene with cats as Ms Possum is not “racist” when it comes to other animals as she feels world peace might be achieved more quickly if we allow for diversity and preclude hegemony between animal groups.  She tries very hard not to be too political about these things but she probably is a closet social reformer of sorts.

Let Ms Possum know if you want to start a Cat Club and she will even let you pick your fave colours to go into the making of your own individualised Possycat. Ask your parents first before you max out their credit card for a gaggle, herd or litter of possycats!!  All Ms Possum asks is that you put them no where near that Hello Kitty as Ms Possum will not be held  responsible for any cat fight that might ensue.

Ms Possum and the Arabian Nights

Well, my little fur aficionados, I’m going to tell you a story about my latest furry creation.

A few weeks ago, there was a knock on the factory door by an elegant ex-pat Kiwi female who has been working in Saudi Arabia for the past 28 years.

She wanted a Possum NZ rendition of a Saudi “Farawah” which is an Arabian kaftan and it was to be made in the traditional style BUT lined with our fab possum fur. She was positive that this NZ spin on an Arab classic would win the hearts and minds of those within her adopted land.

“Sure” I said, as Ms Possum is always obliging, and thought she could work it all out in her head afterwards. After much head banging, she did!!

My client said that the Saudi guys have these gorgeous big tents out in the desert and at night when the temperature plummets, they light fires over braziers, drink the famous coffee made from long spouted silver pots and eat sweet dates and delicacies, while reclining on divans of hand knotted rugs. It is a time when the guys get together and perhaps it is not at all dissimilar to Kiwi guys hanging out in their sheds. Of course, women can come too and enjoy the welcoming Saudi hospitality as my client had done many a time.

What better way to enjoy life but to wrap up warmly in a possum fur lined Farawah in sub-zero temperatures, telling stories over a blazingly warm open fire and feeling at one with the world? After feasting, one could merely curl up on the divan and use the Farawah as an enormous possum throw and be as snug as a bug in a rug. Yes, that is the life, but a life far removed from Ms Possum’s reality!

But, Ms Possum could imagine one of her furry creations decking the back of a Saudi Prince, who would be riding into the sunset of an Arabian night, astride a noble camel. If only Ms Possum could tag along for the ride!! No, Ms Possum is not a contributing author for Mills and Boon, but every now and again, she likes to let her imagination run a tad wild…

So, Ms Possum obtained the best wool fabric which was heavy enough to take the weight of 35 scrummy possum fur hides and adopted a tailored garment approach to the entire construction. The weight of the article meant that all seams had to be carefully reinforced but the result was amazing and it would be impossible to feel cold bedecked in such a manner!

Let me know if you know any Saudi Princes who would want similar… or what about a Farawah party whereby the girls can have shocking pink or bright green possum fur lined Farawahs – oohhh scrumptious!! Yes, my dahlings, Ms Possum just adores bright and leery colours and can do that for any Princess. Just add all the famous 24 carat gold bling as well and Ms Possum would feel right at home!!

So, my lovelies, another market for Ms Possum to get her tenacious claws into! If you know any fantastically wealthy Saudi Princes or Princesses who would want similar… tell them Ms Possum will hand deliver the garments herself should they wish to send her a return first class air ticket on Emirates!

Ms Possum’s Altercation with a Swine

Well if you’re like Ms Possum and living in the land that never stops raining – good ol’ NZ – you may have succumbed to the flu this cold, damp winter.

Ms Possum was fit and healthy and her life was full of amusing nocturnal activities until she was mown down – well, actually run over by a bus – which was allegedly driven by a swine.  She managed to get the number plate of “2009 H1N1″ and from what we’ve heard, there have been many hit and runs traced to this number to date.

There was no warning and not even time to say “Look, two moons!” when there she was, left flat as a pancake (flatter than normal I mean).

And the swine kept reversing back and forwards in the form of relapses onto yours truly, so much so, that she’s now almost two-dimensional.  Not a good look when we’re trying to create fabulously furry creations for three-dimensional beings!

Ms Possum thought she’d eaten enough greens to ward off this sort of barbaric attack, but alas, even a possum can be in the wrong place at the wrong time…arghhh!

Ms Possum thought she was in her death throes, especially being beset by mad coughing fits similar to the raspy but terminal TB coughs of the little critters that are her namesakes.  My good friend diagnosed the problem as Ms Possum having a dose of 1080 poisoning which made Ms Possum feel immeasurably better about the whole situation – not!  Perhaps a green carrot had got into the lettuce mix somehow, or was it that free food sample from the DOC Garden Café??

There is a fine line between life, and life imitating art, is there not?

Curse that dreaded swine!!  Ms Possum now looks a bit mangy after losing that battle.  Hissss!!!!

Anyway, after possum napping a few days, Ms Possum heeded the call of duty, despite her exhaustion, to continue making her trademark beautiful possum goodies to keep the world warm and a better place to live.  Yes, her noble inclinations are indeed medal worthy.

Speaking of medals, Ms Possum’s brother in the UK recently received a medal in the form of an OBE.  Ms Possum is undeniably proud to be genetically linked to such an illustrious individual, but is concerned that he resembles more of a mad, but gentrified, Ninja Warrior with a BBC voice wearing Italian suits (anachronistic collision of cultures here), than the wonderfully normal, talon wielding, nasal sounding, tree loving Ms Possum bedecked resplendently in furry attire, still living in the Antipodes.  Yes, really, they are related. Just can’t explain how.

Now, my lovelies, there is going to be some changes to the website in the next few weeks, so will keep you posted… but just wanted to say “hi” and to let you know that Ms Possum is alive and kicking and ready to rid the world of synthetic fibres, reduce our carbon emissions and save those trees!!  Yes, “Buy a Possum and Save a Forest!” and join Ms Possum in her unrelenting crusade to help the world be a more fuzzy wuzzy, fun and furry place.

Ms Possum One Offs (unless you want one too!)

I recently met a lovely family from Paris who were on extended stay in New Zealand. They wanted to take back with them something totally evocative of our beautiful country. So we thought what better way to stroll the Champs Elysee, or go to the Paris Opera House en Hiver, than in a tailor made shorn black possum fur swing coat!

Wow, after taking umpteen measurements for the female client and two fittings, the coat was tailored to perfection!

The Mandarin collar, invisible pockets and strategically placed design lines all added to the stunning look this one-off piece produced. Shearing a few millimetres off the possum fur resulted in a smooth velvety texture hich oozed luxury.  We hope the Parisians go “ooh la la, c’est magnifique!” at Possum New Zealand’s creation.

Fancy your own tailor made possum fur jacket or ¾ coat?  Allow between NZ$2000-$3500 (ex. GST) depending on the length, fur and cut.  I’ll need to see you for 2-3 fittings and/or one of your best fitting jackets/coats as a guide.

KIDS PROTOTYPES
For some reason, kids have been foremost in our custom designs of late.  The Parisian client wanted her shorn black possum fur offcuts converted into something unique for her young daughter.  The result: a fur hat, reversible collar and the prettiest muff this side of the black stump – best dressed kid in Paris we say!

And then two of Ms Possums’ fave kid friends requested cushion covers with a wolf and husky dog embedded on it in possum fur.  Hmmm, having never done animals of this kind before (not that Ms Possum is biased towards other animals) we had to really go figure.  Check out these items and see if you think it looks remotely like the intended little critter…

Now, if you really like any of the above, we can upload them as an item on the website, but in the meantime simply email us and we can provide you a price for the new items.

Or if you have a unique idea for your kids, throw it at me possums – I may consider making it especially for you.  These projects are fun and fiddly all at the same time, but I get a huge creative kick out of kids items as it takes me back to when I was a young possumette all those full moons ago… sigh.

Click here to view our full kids range.

POSSUM HEAD WEAR

I had a desperate client come into the workshop a few days back.  Her son was getting married in a couple of days and the purple/black mother-of-the-groom dress was more plain jane than red carpet wonder. What to do?!

Just add possum ladies!

We draped a purple raw edge collar over her neck for NZ$112 inc. GST or NZ$99 exported freight free and a custom made possum headpiece (P.O.A) = stunning!!

The only problem now was the Mother of the Groom outshining the bride – what a dilemma!

Regards, Ms Possum

Ms Possum in a Bullish Market

Look what Ms Possum has just made!!

“Not out of possums!” you say…

Er no, Ms Possum does not have racial tendencies to only one furry creature, instead she also manufactures under her “Moomoo” label, as well as the iconic “Possum New Zealand”.

So, this custom design rug is made from 20 mini Friesian cow hides – all carefully joined together to create a work of art that is far more therapeutic than going to the shrink.  We could look at it for hours – in fact Ms Possum did while making it!!

For other Moomoo creations including our new footwear range, visit the Possum New Zealand website.

So my pets, if you have the misfortune of being born a male moomoo in New Zealand, you’ll be collectively called by the name of “Bobby” and a part of you will be converted into a work of art gracing someone’s body or floor.*

For all you other males out there – don’t mess with Ms Possum or she’ll have your hide!!

Regards, Ms Possum

* P.S.: I’d like to put a wee disclaimer here at this point in time for all you animal lovers.  While we have made this rug from the hides of calves, here at Possum New Zealand we are very conscious of where we source our materials from and ensure that no animal cruelty has taken place.  For this particular rug all the hides that were used were from calves that unfortunately did not survive the first few days of their life due to natural elements.

Ms Possum Throws

No, Ms Possum is not throwing a wobbly (being the equanaminous creature she is); she’s talking about her range of possum throws.  And she’s been very busy lately making possum fur throws galore!  We’ve recently done a few décor items for hotels and country lodges.  It’s reassuring to know that Possum New Zealand products are being seen by people travelling from all over the world. I must admit, most clients order predominantly natural brown throws in all the different sizes we have, but here are a couple of new throws we did in the last few weeks as an example of what else can be done:

The natural grey throw (pictured to the left) makes a play of the “blondie” highlights at the edges – it’s great for rustic or country décor themes.  This single bed throw doubled up as a sofa throw for the client’s three seater burgundy coloured lounge suite. It costs NZ$2330 inc. GST or NZ$2072 exported freight free for the single bed size.

This wonderful natural brown raw edged queen sized throw (pictured to the right) was for a very special client that had just renovated her South Island villa.  I used special reversible nappa hides so that the underside had a leather look wipeable finish and I went with the natural outlines of the possum hides around three borders. This gave that jagged raw edge look Possum New Zealand is famous for and the fourth border was a turned back possum fur ”stripe” that will keep the client’s chinny chin chin warm and snuggly when lying in bed.

Decadently indulgent luxury I say! It’s worth every cent of the NZ$3200 inc. GST or NZ$2845 exported freight free for the queen bed size.  Matching pillows and cushions were sent as well.

But the options don’t stop there possums!

We can custom make any size throw in a range of colours and finishes – all hand cut and crafted with care. How about a shocking pink possum throw with tassels on the ends?  Yep, it can be done- just try me!  Check out the 14 different colour options available on our Possum New Zealand website.

Regards, Ms Possum

Ms Possum, Intrepid Traveler and Fur Researcher

Hello Possums

Yep, it’s the big freeze in the Northern Hemisphere, but spare a thought for Ms Possum getting a tad hot under the collar in 97% humidity and temperatures in the high 20’s here in Auckland, New Zealand. Phew!

However, at the beginning of the year I was over your way just in time to experience the UK’s coldest winter in decades.  Yeah, had to go then as Possum NZ shut the factory for a few weeks, like any other self respecting manufacturer in this neck of the woods. This was my chance to research the fur scene away from home once more. The things I do for the sake of work, huh? It’s a tough life!

So, I’m in the UK freezing my little possum merino sox off and what better way to keep warm but to go shopping.  I didn’t need much inducement with all the 50-70% off sales in full swing and the newish Westfield undercover shopping mall at Shepherd’s Bush that went on forever – a girls’ paradise, if ever I saw one! Check out some of my pix from this colossus of a place:
      
(Click on any of the images to see full size version on Flickr)

It was survival of the fittest here, as the bargains were worth fighting over and then there were queues for the changing rooms and at the checkouts.  It was retail at an adrenalin pumping, manic level that has to be seen to be believed.

I almost didn’t survive the “River Island” experience – more clothes on the floor than on the hangers and all these vicious females grabbing armfuls of goodies like there was no tomorrow! Argghhh! Yes Possums, the claws were out and I fought bravely, but the foe outnumbered me!

 The above queues however, paled into insignificance to the looooong line snaking outside of the “Ugg Shop”.  Here were all these patient shoppers waiting in haphazard formation for up to 45 minutes (according to the security guard who only let a few in at a time) to spend 200 quid plus.  Yep, reverse psychology was being well used here – everyone else on sale but Ugg was holding its prices.  (Click on the image to see full size version on Flickr)

 

Why am I telling you this?

Well, I’ve just designed a new footwear range and mixed New Zealand possum fur with sheepskin, plus gone a tad dotty with our New Zealand Friesian Cow skin Moomoo range that has random spots plastered all over the show.

They look funky and feel delightfully soft and spongey on the inside.  I’ve also specified heavy duty gridded soles for the boots and non slip flexi soles for the slippers.  OK, they don’t have UGG written on the label, but they are seriously warm, durable and hand-cut wherever possible by Possum New Zealand. Plus you definitely won’t spend anywhere near 200 quid!  Check out our new footwear range today.

Then it was off to Barcelona where temperatures were a balmy 16 degrees and this is the place if you want it all – art, architecture, fashion, culture and the beach.  Nothing prepares you for the sheer scale and magnificence of Gaudi’s masterpieces.  The wait for the elevator to the top of one of Sagrada Familia’s steeples was truly worth it, as one can view at close range the sad faced statues clinging to the sides of the building – as if they were threatening to jump off – contrasted by the gigantic, boldly coloured first fruits to God speared through the pointed steeple tops. Antoni Gaudi was a genius and his other works were as quirky and original as he drew from nature and avoided straight lines wherever possible.
 
(Click on any of the images to see full size version on Flickr)

So, what has all this got to do with fashion?

A lot actually, the Catalan people are a happy lot and their exuberance for life is not limited to their amazing architecture, but infiltrates into every aspect of fashion.  The two labels I found so appealing were Desigual and Custos. The use of bright colour and blending of different textures, patterns and trim in these labels is mind blowing, and like Gaudi, a bit quirky and offbeat.

Here are some of my fashion pix taken in the thick of things in the Designer district of Passeig de Gracias and Las Ramblas:

(Click on any of the images to see full size version on Flickr)

Yes, faux fur or the real stuff is in vogue here and it inspires me to join up all my bright and gaudy babylamb and possum fur scraps and make a masterpiece or two!

Of course, the winner of Fur Central has to go to Italy once more.  This time, I was in Venice and it was magical.  Water, bridges, gondolas, glassware and masks abound at every turn.  Forget the map – the intricate labyrinth of cobbled lanes takes you out to multitudes of campos and piazzas, so my suggestion is just head for the Rialto Bridge (signs are everywhere) and digress anywhere you like in between, as the myriads of craft shops are sooo interesting.  

In the thick of Winter these elegant ladies thought nothing of coming out in their vintage mink coats and fur hats, and even dressing their mini pooches in like fashion.  They really need more possum fur over their way!!  Check out some Venetian fashion pix:

(Click on any of the images to see full size version on Flickr)

So Possums, all this research means new things are in the offing – watch this space!

In the meantime, I’d love to deck you out in any of our warm possum fur, cowskin, or babylamb numbers – all made in New Zealand, largely from our workroom and all originally designed by Ms Possum herself. 

No excuse to freeze my little dahlings – we have everything to keep you snuggly warm!

So, be good and I look forward to hearing from my international hordes of hypothermic fellow critters real soon…

Regards,

 Ms Possum (Intrepid Traveler and International Fur Researcher)

Don’t shoot first and ask questions later

A family fresh to Auckland from the country, settled in the Huia Road area of Titirangi, which is part of the iconic Waitakere Ranges in West Auckland, New Zealand.  This area is famous for its scenic backdrop of native forests and woodlands, and has its own micro-climate. It is near the black-sand West Coast beaches which are spectacularly wild and beautiful; and the native flora and fauna thrive in this unspoilt habitat which is only 30 minutes from the Central Business District of Auckland City.

Settling in was a breeze as here was a log cabin type house in a peaceful bush setting, not unlike what they’d left behind in the country.

The first evening this new family discovered one big fat possum on the wooden veranda looking as if he owned the place and nonchalantly eating the remains of their dinner, totally unconcerned with the proximity of the new resident humans.

Mr Newby’s automatic response mechanism kicked in and the rifle came out and one shot was all it took. It was easy, as this obese possum was the ultimate in sitting targets. I mean that’s what any self respecting country boy would do, right?!

The neighbours called around the next morning to say “Hi”. Introductions and small talk ensued with Mr Newby waiting for the opportune moment to relate his superlative hunting prowess of the night before, when he was asked: “Have you seen Percy, by any chance?”

“Who’s Percy” asked all the Newby’s, wondering if they had another neighbour.

“Percy Possum. He comes for dinner every night as we all leave our leftovers out for him to enjoy. He’s quite an icon out this neck of the woods as he’s so friendly and adored by all and sundry. You’ll just love him.”

There was a deathly silence and then: “No, we have not seen Percy yet” was Mr Newby’s sheepish reply.

Mum Newby quickly put a tea towelled hand over her loud -mouth kid’s face, on the pretext of wiping any stray Weetbix crumbs, whilst hauling him directly to bathroom before anything incriminating could be deciphered from his muffled utterances.

Mr Newby was relieved the weapon used on the recently departed was stored securely away in the master bedroom closet and could not be used as circumstantial evidence against him. Full of guilt, he resolved from henceforth never to be a serial killer. But he would have to do a spot of gardening first to ensure Percy would never be found by his would-be accusers.

The moral of the story… don’t shoot first and ask questions later.

Another moral of the story is: Leave country behaviour back on the farm paddock when entering JAFA territory. (A “JAFA” is colloquial abbreviated slang for “Just Another F… Aucklander”. It is now applied as a term of endearment to over one quarter of New Zealand’s population who reside in this sprawling metropolis of a city.)

Poor Percy Possum!  It’s not as if the Newby’s could go into the local pet store and replace Percy Possum because it is illegal in New Zealand for possums to be farmed or bought as pets.

The size of Percy suggested he was a Primary Possum with a penchant for polygamy in his fiefdom in West Auckland, if our deductions are correct. That means his extended family, who can place their family “trees” back 150 years ago to when they first migrated from Australia, are mercilessly Percyless!

They await an opportune time to carry out “The Revenge of the Possums” debacle.  Newby’s beware - to coin the Pantene slogan: “It won’t happen overnight but it will happen” - be afraid, be very afraid… I’ve heard a hiss of goss regarding a pack of prickly possums going to party in someone’s roof shortly and it won’t be pretty!

As told by Rick, Possum Catcher Extraordinaire with profuse embellishments by the inimitable Ms Possum.

Ms Possum, Agony Aunt, Answers Your Questions

Here is a series of frequently asked questions that Ms Possum receives on a regular basis. We’re sharing with you the hissily sarcastic answers Ms Possum is tempted to give and then the politically correct answers which we actually provide.

After all, Ms Possum is an amiable creature with impeccable manners, even though her talons are known to spring out from time to time in a kinaesthetic response to the following common queries:

Q: How do you shear a possum to get the fur for your knitted garments ?

WRONG ANSWER: We have specially designed salons in which the Possums sit down with a cuppa tea and the latest gossip mags. We gently clip them with the trendiest of style, finishing off with a delicate blow wave and if necessary, straightening irons for those stubborn curls. We even throw in a free manicure to boot. Then we make appointments for six weeks later when the fur has grown again and we need to repeat the same process.

RIGHT ANSWER: They’re not like sheep, dahlings! They, ahem, have to be mercifully despatched first and then hand plucked while still warm. Forget about those plucking machines too – it’s far too rough a process for our liking.

Q: Do the possums come from the wild in those bright colours?

WRONG ANSWER 1: Yes, we put food colouring in their feed to turn their coats into bright red, flouro pink and even lime green! We just go through heaps of cochineal and jelly crystals!

WRONG ANSWER 2: Yes, they are the result of genetic modification.

RIGHT ANSWER: Possum New Zealand dyes the Possum hides in 17 different colours from their natural state.

Q: We’ve got a possum trapped up in the ceiling. What can you do about it?

WRONG ANSWER: Well, you’ve obviously called the right company. We’ll just send our senior stylist down and while it’s not in her job description, she can catch it for you in her high heels and for a little extra, convert it into a fashion scarf. Yep, it’s a one-stop-shop here.

RIGHT ANSWER: Try Pest Control.

Q: We’ve just run over a possum. Do you want it?

WRONG ANSWER: Yeah, we want it like a hole in the head. We’ll scrape it off the road for you, then gut and de-flesh it as the pet dog would love a menu change. Our landlords would also love us to death for causing a sanguinary mess within a CBD building as our Body Corporate rules specifically preclude us from using the premises as an abattoir. We’ll then dry the hide out and make it into something fit for a horror movie. Yeah, why wouldn’t we want it?!

RIGHT ANSWER: There’s actually about 47 stages of processing between capture and when Possum NZ gets the tanned, dressed and dyed hides. That’s why we have to go through our Tannery to obtain the best luxury quality hides. But thanks all the same.

Q: What do you have in the way of steel radials?

WRONG ANSWER: Obviously you cannot read a phone book. What have we got to do with the automotive industry?

RIGHT ANSWER: You probably want Possum Bourne, the company named after the famous NZ Rally car driver. If you look in the New Zealand phone book, he’s the listing above Possum New Zealand.

Q: How much to send a parcel to Christchurch?

WRONG ANSWER: Obviously you can’t read a phone book either. Are we all blind today?

RIGHT ANSWER: You have punched in the wrong last digit of New Zealand Post’s 0800 number and got Possum NZ instead (0800NZPOSSUM). Please refer to the phone book.

Q: I am Rev Elisha Godwin from Nigeria (names change with each identical query). We are setting up orphanages in our country and want to order your possum rugs and cushions. Can we pay by VISA over the phone and we’ll get the goods picked up direct from your factory by our own shippers?

WRONG ANSWER: Yeah, like we were born yesterday. How absolutely generous of you to treat these poor orphans with such high ticket products that only the well-to-do can afford in western countries. We know they’ll just appreciate the thermal qualities of our possum throws in the 40-degree heat of Africa. And of course you can pay thousands of dollars on a stolen credit card over the phone because we just love losing money during a Recession and yes, we’re that stupid here in New Zealand that we’ll fall for any hard luck story. Although if you truly are a Reverend, doesn’t the Bible say: “Thou shalt not steal”!

RIGHT ANSWER: Sorry, our banks have advised us not to deal with Nigeria.

Q: We are a company from China – can you supply a container load of possum skins each week for our fur factories?

WRONG ANSWER: You’re having me on, right? Wish I could do that as I’d be a rich woman!!

RIGHT ANSWER: Sorry, New Zealand is only a small country and the infrastructure does not allow anywhere near those quantities even if everyone combined their resources. We would rather sell you our value added goods made here in New Zealand for you to market as elitist, limited edition products back in China.

Q: OK, you can’t supply container of possum skins to China every week – what about other animals? We’re not fussy – we just have to have a container load – any animals will do.

WRONG ANSWER: Well I know the SPCA always has spare animals to give away and yeah sure, I could round up a few thousand stray cats and dogs in my spare time as well.

RIGHT ANSWER: Sorry, we can’t help you here. As explained above, we suggest you purchase fully made-up possum fur items from us and resell in China for good prices due to limited raw material availability.

If you have a possum query you’ve always wondered about, but were too scared to ask – just send me an email and if it’s within the “high calibre” range of the above, I could give a quick flick of my talon and have it posted before you can say “and a Possum in a Pear Tree” ( which is Ms Possum’s typical end of year greeting).

Sincerely

Missy Hissy Possum